from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
