shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
