he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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