I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
