Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
3pm strippers are depressing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
