I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
