Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
