last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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