TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
