I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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