I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
