Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
