Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize