It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
