she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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