so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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