I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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