i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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