Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
