Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
