He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
