She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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