capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
