Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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