I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
