all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
