I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You can't motorboat a personality
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
