I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
