Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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