nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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