great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
