I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
