And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Randomize
