Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
