Umm I'm too high to move.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pants are for mortals
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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