I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
