1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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