i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize