you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
