Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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