Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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