I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
