If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
