Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am naked and annoyed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
