I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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