absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
