he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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