She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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