I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
