Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
