my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
