party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
