Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
