are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
