so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
