i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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