There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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