Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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