My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
