another moral hangover. fuck.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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