Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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