His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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