I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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