Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
