'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
