I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
