Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
