new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
