Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
