just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
