What a fucking waste of an outfit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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