dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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