you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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