i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
