Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
