i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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