i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
