I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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