Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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