I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
