dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
