Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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