I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
